Perhaps you are curious what boundaries are and why they are important…
Many myths out there confuse boundaries with ultimatums. So, we want to clarify the difference. Often, people make aggressive black and white statements, then wonder why the person they attempted to set the boundary with walked away or simply dismissed it...well, that is because it was an ultimatum.
Ultimatums are one-sided aggressive statements that fail to take the relationship into consideration. And, nine out ten times they just don’t work, unless you are personally or physically in danger and this it’s a firm “no.” This leads to lots of confusion thinking boundaries are unhealthy, completely selfish, or quite too rigid in nature.
So, how do boundaries affect relationships?
Boundaries help bridge the gap between differences so you can support the growth of your relationship. It is important to set boundaries using a calm manner, yet assertively expressed according to what you need to feel respected in a connection. They put the relationship at the forefront while simultaneously meeting your emotional needs through value-based statements. They ASK your partner to work with you versus demanding a need, like an ultimatum.
Five Ways Boundaries Benefit Your Relationships:
1. Get Your Emotional Needs Met
If your limits are being crossed in a relationship, you will be sure to know it. Your body will respond before your brain does. When you’re not setting boundaries you may experience feelings of anxiety, frustration, anger, confusion, or pain. But, you can reduce these emotions almost instantaneously through boundaries.
Boundaries are delivered in a logical and valuable manner, yet meet your deeper emotional needs in the relationship. This allows the avoidant partner or one who may shy away from emotions the ability to understand what it is you need and how they can meet it. Boundaries intimately draw you and a partner closer together, creating inner peace.
2. Increasing Your Clarity and Certainty
Want to take the guessing game out of your relationship? Boundaries are essential to gaining the clarity and certainty you need in your life and relationship. They provide answers you may have previously left on the table. They may not always be the answers you want but at least you will know where you stand with this person and can decide how you want to proceed forward. It will also allow your emotions to be at peace eliminating confusion.
For example, say you’re ready for the relationship to grow to the next level like marriage, but your partner isn’t. This clarifies you may not be on the same page in your relationship or long-term goals. (that is a deeper conversation you can have with us here). It gives you clarity and certainty as to whether this person can meet your needs long-term or weigh your options if they can’t.
Or, your partner may be ready to take the relationship to the next level and they were unsure how you felt. Establishing a growth boundary for the relationship gets you and your partner on the same page about what each of you wants for the relationship. Until you ask, you won’t know.
3. Watching Your Relationship Grow
Honoring the relationship versus only one partner’s needs allows the relationship to collectively unite in growth. There is an air of individuality about each partner but simultaneously working together towards cohesion. Each partner appreciates their partner’s differences even if they have a different viewpoint. They strategize together and create solutions that meet both partners’ needs within the relationship. This not only creates unity but also can deepen the emotional connectedness you experience with a partner.
4. Receive Respect You Deserve
Who doesn’t want to feel respected? Boundaries are the simplest way to ask for respect. It determines immediately where you stand with someone and if they are willing to have integrity in meeting your needs. You don’t judge a person based on their word, but their behaviors and actions alone will tell you just how much they respect you.
Boundaries give you a firm foundation based on your relationship values to feel peaceful and respected in your relationship. They are the foundation of the home you want to build with a partner. Without boundaries or integrity with your values, the home will crumble. Examples, of values are loyalty, kindness, commitment, integrity, authenticity, to name a few.
5. Being Valuable To Your Partner
When you know your worth you won't settle for anything less. You know what value you bring to the table and know what you deserve in return. And, setting boundaries can help you command the respect you deserve from a place of value. Emotions and opinions often fall on closed ears, but values exude confidence from within. Any partner who is not willing to see your value is most likely not the best person for you. No one deserves to be unappreciated or undervalued in a relationship.