How To Stop Letting Emotions Run Your Life: Why Living in Values Sets You Free

Depression, Anxiety, and the Power of Presence

You’ve likely heard the saying: Depression is living in the past. Anxiety is living in the future. Happiness is living in the present. At first, it sounds like a motivational quote you might scroll past online, but it carries a powerful truth: the way we relate to time shapes our well-being.

Depression often anchors us in what was—the regrets, losses, and the “what ifs” we can replay on a loop. Anxiety, on the other hand, can cause us to spiral about what might be. The uncertainties, future problems, and imagined disasters. Both disconnect us from the only space we actually have any power in: this moment.

When we practice presence, we reconnect to clarity. Presence allows us to notice what emotions are telling us without drowning in them. It gives us access to our values. The steady compass that guides us back to alignment with our true self.

Emotions vs. Values

Emotions are essential, but they’re also temporary. They act like the weather, changing hour by hour, day by day. If we live in our emotions, we risk being tossed around like a ship in a storm. One harsh word, one setback, and suddenly our whole sense of self is destabilized.

Values, however, are the steady ground beneath the storm. They are the truths we stand on, even when emotions surge. Respect, trust, love, freedom, communication, these are universal needs we all understand. Living in alignment with them gives us stability and clarity, even when life feels chaotic.

When we choose values over emotions, we stop asking: “How do I feel right now?” and start asking: “How do I want to respond to this moment?” That shift transforms reactivity into intentional action. Emotions keep us in a reactive state, whereas values keep us in a response state, a reflection of our character. 

Triggers as Windows

Most of us think of triggers as landmines we need to avoid. But what if triggers are actually windows? When something sparks anger, fear, or shame, it’s pointing to a deeper value that feels violated.

• If criticism triggers you, the value beneath it may be respect.

• If abandonment triggers you, the value may be connection.

• If being ignored triggers you, the value may be communication. 

This perspective shifts triggers from being threats to being guides. Instead of thinking, “Why am I so sensitive?” you can ask, “What value of mine needs attention or boundary-setting right now?” Triggers stop being proof of weakness and become signposts toward growth.

Living Aligned With Values

Emotions are signals. They tell us something needs to shift. But they don’t provide a roadmap. Values do.

• Emotions say: “I’m overwhelmed and angry.”

• Values say: “I need respect in this relationship. I need space to reset.”

Values transform raw emotion into a clear direction. They turn triggers into conversations instead of battles. They become problem-solvers, guiding us in setting boundaries, repairing disconnections in relationships, and growing through challenges instead of circling the same pain loops.

When we root ourselves in values, we live more fully in the present. We communicate with clarity. We create stability inside ourselves, no matter what chaos is swirling outside. And most importantly, we align with our true selves.

Living in the past breeds depression. Living in the future fuels anxiety. Living in emotions alone keeps us stuck. But living by our values, that’s where freedom, clarity, and happiness live. Your emotions will always ebb and flow, but your values will always point you back home.