Think the Netflix documentary Tinder Swindler can’t happen to you? Find out how easy it is to get swept away by a master manipulator. We want to share with you the ultimate love bomber tricks he used and how you can save yourself from being a victim of this psychological and financial coercion.
What is love bombing? It is a psychological manipulative tactic people use to get others to fall in love with them very quickly. Usually, the romance gestures appear very fairytale-like, only to find out this person was using you to get what they wanted versus emotionally connecting for a long-term commitment.
Love bombing can happen to anyone regardless of gender, lifestyle, or intelligence. It’s something that can be unrecognizable to the point people have gotten married to a partner only to find out their false persona falls off after a few months.
Here are 5 Manipulative Tactics The Tinder Swindler Used:
1. Luxury Lifestyle
This love bomber knew what it took to allure attractive women into his trap. He lived a life of luxury and fantasy that captured the excitement and a once-in-a-lifetime experience. Being part of his life seemed like a dream come true, especially if one has been single for some time.
He set up his dates in luxury hotels, whisked women off to other countries on a private jet, and dined on caviar and champagne all at the expense of another woman he had previously conned into his scheme. His lifestyle made it easy to intrigue. After all, who wouldn’t want to date a man who dressed dapper, had access to the best vacations and was the son of a diamond billionaire?
2. Urgency & Intensity
It’s always a huge red flag when someone is rushing into a connection. A man with this much freedom who travels every night to a new location and swiftly moves the connection doesn't quite add up. He sends messages to the first woman that they have to meet tonight because he leaves tomorrow and soon offers her to join him at his next destination.
The woman thinks they have great chemistry but this man is only attempting to hook her as fast as he can. He knows if her logic becomes clouded, hence why they have sex so quickly, he has all the power because he is attempting to get her emotionally attached. Another reason he picks foreign destinations is so he has control of the surroundings and the woman has to rely on him to feel safe.
3. Fairytale Dream
When it came to creating a magical fantasy he was no short in the wooing department. From sending beautiful red roses, eating at the best restaurants, and being whisked away on holiday he made sure the women felt like a priority in his life. It was until his mask started to fall off.
He would even send voice notes of “I miss you” and “I can’t wait to marry you or have babies with you” playing into what the women wanted to hear, all while he was dating another woman in another country. The fairytale slowly turned into a nightmare.
4. Instilling Fear
Manipulation isn’t something that starts right from the beginning of the connection or else the person wouldn't fall victim to their tactics. It's the process of building trust with the victim before unleashing their true motive. This is why he made the women feel special and admired before asking them for money.
He used the fear to make the women think he was in trouble, as the diamond business can be dangerous. This played on the women’s emotions that they needed to help “save” him from these bad guys and they would do whatever it took to make sure he was safe. Even if that meant taking out loans or credit cards for him to spend on, also known as financial coercion.
5. False Persona
His persona of appearing as a sophisticated, suitable, secure man fell apart within a month's time. In an attempt to keep up with his persona, he even went as far as using his child as a way to convince women he was a reliable father. This shows he is trustworthy to other women he is pursuing, but it was the furthest from the truth.
Soon his mask started to fall off when he went from being a loving partner to an aggressive man when being told finances were on hold. His Jekyll and Hyde personality was a clear indication of his motive.
Referring to himself as the “diamond price” and “homeless king” conveys his sense of entitlement and inflated ego. He thinks he can do no wrong and women were at his disposal as soon as he could no longer con money from them.
Tips On Preventing This Happening To You:
1. Waiting 90 Days Before Committing
Committing to a relationship after a few days of knowing someone is way too soon to know if this person can meet your values. Our relationship values are our relationship roadmap to knowing whether or not a person can fulfill our emotional needs and standards for long-term success. If someone is leading with a false persona they can keep it on for about ninety days before their true colors come out.
2. Not Handing Over Personal Information
Handing over passport information, home addresses, financials to someone you barely know is putting your safety at risk. This person could create false identities in your name and continue the scam well after the discard or break-up. It also can lead to greater safety issues if the person is dangerous or turns about to be a stalker.
3. Paying Attention To Word and Behaviors
When someone’s words and behaviors are not in alignment this is a huge red flag this person cannot be trusted. Integrity and accountability give us clarity on a person's intentions and whether they can be a good partner or not. When he failed to pay her back from the loans, this is when she should have stopped loaning him money.
4. Questioning Anything That Seems Off
Being wrapped up in the romance seemed to cloud the reality of what was really happening. When they went on their second date his ex and his child were there. She didn’t question it and went along with the “fairytale” of flying on the private jet. She also didn’t seem to find it odd that the son of a Billionaire needed to borrow money from her because she was already trusting him. It’s odd behavior to move in with someone and request $250 thousand dollars within one month of knowing someone. Even her friends thought it was odd but she still went along with it.
5. Waiting To Be Intimate
Having sex early on in the connection can make it seem you’re falling in love when in fact it is just lust. A manipulative person seeks these main things from their victims' sex, money, admiration, and favors. Once they no longer receive their supply they discard and move on. To make sure someone is not using you, it’s best to wait until a level of consistency and quality time has been established or an emotional connection has started to develop before having sex.
6. Having Financial Boundaries
Financial boundaries are something everyone needs with themselves in order to live a secure lifestyle without stress. Living within your means, you respect your money and allocate for your expenses. Someone who freely spends money or is more carefree with their expenses may think it is okay to loan others money without forging a plan on when to get paid back. In this case, she loaned 250K without any sort of plan of how she would be reimbursed. Also, I don’t recommend lending money to someone you have known for a month. You can set a boundary and still keep the relationship intact by saying “I’m not sure we are at the stage yet of sharing expenses, how about we wait until we know each other better?” If this person chooses to end the connection, then just know they were only looking for money.
If you are have ever been love-bombed or currently in a situation where you don’t know how to leave, please book a call immediately so we can help you!